Evanescence
by Bishounenchaser
Summary: Hitsugaya Toshirou is mourning the death of his childhood friend, Hinamori Momo. Through Matsumoto Rangiku's gentle guidance he finds comfort, but a change is occuring. They're relationship goes from simple to complicated.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: _**I do not own Bleach in any shape or form.**

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_You're too important for anyone _

_You play the role of all you long to be, _

_But I, I know who you really are _

_You're the one who cries when you're alone _

_-Where will you go, **Evanescence** _

_"Shiro-chan..." _

The nickname was annoying, and he hated every time she had said it. Now, he wouldn't have minded hearing that name once more spill from her lips. He would have taken secret pleasure as she ran her fingers through his naturally white strands while smiling at him like he was her entire world. Never again would that be, however. While he took great pride in his position as the captain of the 10th division, there were times when he wished for a simpler time back in west Rukongai, first district junrin'an when it was just his Granny and Hinamori. Although he would never admit it out loud, he honestly missed the days.

The rough and worn wood of the porch had been hard but they never minded. It seemed to always be hot, but never uncomfortably so. They would spend countless hours outside, Hinamori chatting about her day while he pretended to be disinterested and ate his large quantity of sweet watermelon. Then Granny would join them on the porch with a warm smile and kind words before they settled down to watch the elaborate array of colors streak the sky from the sunset. Eventually blending to the black of night, they would enjoy the night stars for a few moments before Granny ushered them to bed. At the time, he never knew or thought that things would have turned out the way they did.

What would his Granny think of him now? Would she be repulsed and call him a monster for his actions? He could have saved her, he could have salvaged Hinamori. Somehow, he could have recovered her from the darkness that trapped her within her own mind. There hadn't been a need for bloodshed nor for the horrible outcome.

He thought engrossing himself into the endless piles of paperwork would distract him from those types of thoughts. They were thoughts that had begun and never ceased plaguing him even after the final battle with Aizen and Arrancar had ended. It didn't work, if anything it gave him more time to think about past events and contemplate other possible outcomes to the point where he wanted to scream and curse his own inability to change certain things.

Even now as he sat his desk seemingly attentive to the paperwork that was laid out in front of him, his mind was a million miles away. The writing had ceased, ink brush hovering above the paper waiting to be pressed down once more. The hand holding it, however, was now quivering. Toshirou's face was drawn into aggrieved look dispelling the usual apathetic expression that donned his features. His eyes held a distant look within him and the tension in his body revealed that whatever was on his mind, it was not pleasant. A memory was playing across those eyes for only him to see. It was something that would forever be embedded into his mind regardless of what he attempted to do to rid it.

_"Toshiro-kun, you have to stop this." _

_Her voice sounded loud in the large circular room. The stone that formed the walls and ceiling absorbed the sound but he could still hear it. Hinamori looked absolutely positive that she was on the right side. It was embedded in her mind that Aizen-taicho was the correct one, and, if only those who opposed him took the time to understand, they would realize that he was going to lead them into a new era. An era where there would be no need for fighting and there would be peace. Toshirou couldn't believe the naivety she was displaying. She looked affirmed to raise her sword against him once more in order to protect the man that was her taicho. _

_"You're the one who needs to stop this, Hinamori!" _

_It was Ichigo's fate to deal with Aizen. Ichigo stood beside him ready to face the challenge waiting just beyond the large double doors behind the former 5th division fukutaicho. She was the only thing standing in the way. The other taichos, fukutaichos, and Ichigo's friends were currently engaged in battle with the rest of Aizen's army. While they outnumbered the espada, it still took several of their comrades to handle just one. While Toshirou had initially felt compelled to assist them, his fukutaicho as well as some others encouraged him to move ahead to attempt and save his childhood friend before it was too late. Though he worried, he had more than enough confidence in the other's abilities to hold their own. _

_"I'm going ahead," Ichigo announced. _

_The orange-haired teen shunpo near the doors, oversize with elaborate curving designs, before rushing closer and placing his hands against the smooth wood. Hinamori's eyes narrowed as she turned quickly, her zanpakuto drawn in order to guard the door and stop Ichigo from passing. There was a loud clang as two opposing weapons clashed. Ichigo, who had raised a arm to shield himself, slowly lowered his arm to see what had stopped the attacking weapon. Toshirou held hyourinmaru_ _in a dead lock with tobiume, his teeth clenched while Hinamori's eyes were widened in shock. _

_"Go," Toshirou gritted out. _

_Ichigo nodded in response and proceeded through the doors. Panic rose in Hinamori's eyes, she attempted to push Toshirou off to attack Ichigo once more but was held still by the force Hyourinmaru. The dread within Hinamori's eyes was quickly replaced by intense anger and the way that she looked at Toshirou now seemed to almost border hate. It struck something deep within Toshirou to see such an emotion in her eyes directed towards him. It was enough to cause him to falter allowing Hinamori to fall back. She raised her zanpakuto towards him before releasing it. _

_"Snap tobiume!"_

_By releasing her zanpakuto, Toshirou could tell Hinamori was determined to defeat him. There was a burning desire in her eyes to overcome him by any means regardless of what they had shared or what he meant to her. Still, he could attempt to talk some sense into her. Perhaps try and find the Hinamori Momo that he had grown up with. _

_"Hinamori, you've got to listen to me. Aizen does not care about you or anyone!" He cried out narrowly missing a kidou blast. _

_Hinamori didn't show any indication that she had heard his words. There was a mad gleam in her eyes that almost frightened him. The battle went on with Toshirou mainly dodging Hinamori's attacks and trying to reach her with his words. Nothing seemed to work and it was with a heavy heart that he began to accept that his Hinamori was gone. Replaced by this…this stranger, who had been twisted to hold such an intense loathing for him. Hinamori could never and wouldn't have looked at him that way. Yes, they had fought before but it was only small quarrels and they had never intentionally tried to hurt each other. _

_"Hitsugaya-taicho!" _

_The cry momentarily distracted him. It was only a moment, but it was all the opening that Hinamori needed at such a close distance. She released another kidou towards the small taicho. Toshirou turned his attention to the attack but could do little but raise his arms in attempt to defend his body from the blast. It never made contact, and for the second time that day, Hinamori's attack came in contact with wrong person. Long, blond hair was all he saw before Matsumoto Rangiku, his fukutaicho, dropped to one knee and grunted in pain. Small waves of smoke rose from her skin that was badly torn and burnt, glaring an angry red. The sleeves of her uniform has been scourged off up to her upper arms leaving only ragged clothe on the edges of the remaining parts. _

_"Matsumoto, you idiot!" Toshirou hissed. _

_He dropped on one knee beside her, placing a hand on her shoulder. She was shuddering as though trying to keep the pain under control and somehow managed a shaky smile towards Toshirou. He could see the agonizing pain behind those eyes, though, and the smile did little to comfort the clenching feeling in his chest. _

_"I'm sorry, taicho, I wasn't thinking…but-" _

_Her eyelids fluttered over slate gray eyes, and she fell over ungracefully onto the body of her horrified Taicho. His eyes slowly turned into a light blue and he sent a dark glare towards Hinamori who now had the audacity to look afraid. Sheathing his zanpakuto, Toshirou awkwardly placed his arms underneath the body of his fukutaicho. He shunpo to the farthest wall of the room before delicately setting Matsumoto down, she was still breathing, if a bit shallowly, and that allowed him a little relief. _

_ "Thank you, Matsumoto…"He murmured. _

_He stood slowly as though he felt he was thousands of years old. As he did so his reiatsu, cold and airy with a mixture of white and blue, began to swirl about him gradually dropping the temperature in the room. One of his hands at his side clenched, while the other tightened its grip on hyourinmaru. He was willing to pardon Hinamori for a great number of things. He could have even forgiven her for injuring him. For some reason, though, he could not exonerate her for this. _

_"Hinamori…" _

_He said her name more coldly than he had ever before. It caught her off guard causing a small squeak to pass from Hinamori's lips. Her eyes held and went through a large number of emotions before once again settling on the hate that was previously there. She soon recovered, holding her zanpakuto readying to fight once more, but the hatred had dulled. _

_"Some sacrifices have to be made, Toshirou-kun!" _

_His face was still turned away from her and she didn't know what to make of the shaking of his shoulders. He released a long winded exhale before finally facing towards her. It was almost impossible to see but somehow Hinamori saw it. Toshirou's eyes were watered as though he was about to shed tears. She closed her eyes tightly and gripped the hilt of her zanpakuto tighter. Her lips formed quiet words that were told to her over and over. _

_"Sacrifices have to be made. Sacrifices have to be made. Sacrifices have to be made." _

_Even as she said this, her own eyes began to water behind her closed lids. When she opened them, tears spilled over her eyelids and down her cheeks as her hands began to tremble. _

_"Sacrifices have to be made… Sacrifices have to be made!" _

_She released a scream as she attacked once more, sending a kidou in the direction of her childhood friend. Despite the expression on his face, Toshirou remained calmed and he closed his eyes before whispering. _

_"Soar into the frozen sky…" _

_Hyourinmaru burst forth from its zanpakuto causing the room to drop another few degrees. It released a mighty roar as it pressed forward meeting Hinamori's blast head on, absorbing it, and continuing its path towards the now wide-eyed girl. Hinamori had rarely seen hyourinmaru in action and certainly never directed towards her. She had heard tales of the fear that the ice dragon invoked in people's hearts, she never really understood that feeling before but now she felt it tenfold of what she imagined. Hinamori released a strangled scream as hyourinmaru engulfed her. Her body began to gradually freeze starting from her feet and worked its way up. She fell back on the floor with a cry; her breathing was quick and pained. _

_Toshirou slowly made his way over to Hinamori. The water she had seen in his eyes was gone but the tortured sadness was still there. She looked at him tenderly; tears still ran down her face as the ice was now encasing her torso. Her lips curled into a sincere smile as she spoke her last words. _

_"I'm so sorry for everything, Shiro-chan." _

_Toshirou's eyes widened as he fell to his knees. He grasped her hand within his own and held onto it tightly in an attempt to resist her slipping away. _

_"Hinamori!" _

_She looked at him apologetic and with sorrow. Releasing a sharp gasp, she was completely engulfed by the ice. A tear still frozen on her cheek and eyes forever imprinted with that grief and regret. _

_For the second time in his life, Hitsugaya Toshirou, taicho of the 10 division of the Gotei 13, wielder of the strongest ice and water zanpakuto, hyourinmaru, released a anguish yell for the death of a loved one and cried. _

_The light snow flakes began to slowly fall around them. _

Ichigo had won that battle. They had won against Aizen and his army despite overwhelming odds. Although there were many casualties and a great number of the wounded, they all rejoiced and celebrated. None of this reached him. With the ending of one battle, a new battle begun with the darkness of Toshirou's mind. He was slowly destroying himself from the inside to the out without really acknowledging it. It didn't show. Everyone believed he was the same Hitsugaya Toshirou, even if he was a bit sad he would quickly recover. Perhaps they expected too much of him. Only one seemed to acknowledge the full extent of damage caused to the prodigy.

A loud snap resounded throughout the room pulling Toshirou out from his thoughts. He had unconsciously broken his ink brush and the fragments of wood were embedded into the palm of his hand drawing blood. The blood pooled out of his palm down onto the paper he had been writing on forming small red dots. He internally cursed and clenched his hand further pushing the pieces of wood into his palm. A clicking sound interrupted his self-loathing and he looked up to see his fukutaicho beside him, she had been clicking her tongue at his actions. He had not sensed her coming in and briefly wondered how long she had been around. He almost reflexively pulled back his hand as she picked up between her slender hands and gently began to pull out the pieces causing him harm.

Matsumoto looked completely serious. Her mouth of turned down in a pretty frown and her brows knitted in concern. Toshirou would admit his fukutaicho was an attractive woman, even with such a somber expression on her face. It was a side of her that he rarely had the privilege of seeing but part of him was pleased that she wasn't being overly cheerful that day. He didn't think he could handle it. So rather than sending her away as he had been doing since the battle, he allowed her to stay at his side caring to his wounds watching her with heavy lidded eyes.

Matsumoto was gentle; she looked to cause him the most minimal discomfort and worked quickly so that the wounds would not become worse. Her actions made him think that she could be well suited for the 4th division, but he knew that 4th division couldn't handle her and Matsumoto would have never accepted that. She was happy being his fukutaicho and as much as he hated to admit it, he was content with that knowledge. She finished quickly, and used a basic spell to heal the light wounds. Toshirou clenched and released his hand in experimentation and found it as good as new. He opened his mouth to thank Matsumoto only to feel a light tugging on his arm before he was completely pulled against her body in embrace.

Instantly he was aware that this hug was different from the others. Rather than being suffocated and held between her large assents, his chin rested on her shoulder. She was hunched over in what had to be an entirely uncomfortable position, but she didn't appear to mind. The embrace was tender as though if she hugged him tighter he would break.

"It's not your fault, Hitsugaya-taicho."

Her voice trembled and though he could not see her face, he knew there was a pained expression there. The thought that he was causing her pain made him feel sick to his stomach. Toshirou never realized how his actions could and was affecting others. He never wanted to hurt anyone, least of all Matsumoto. She was the only one left in his life that he considers a friend, even if he never told her that he thought of her such. Matsumoto, despite all her obvious flaws, was indispensable person to him. She always seemed to know when something was on his mind or bothering him. Usually, he would tell her, but this was something he didn't feel comfortable talking about. Hinamori had really meant a lot to him. More than what people knew.

Hinamori had been his first friend, she was the first one to warm his heart and accept him for who he was. They had grown up together and he had grown to love her more than friend. He had even loved her when he knew he had no chance, especially against the great Aizen. Despite his devotion to her, however, he had been able to save her. The knowledge made him furious with himself. What good was he as a captain when he couldn't even protect the person he loved?

Matsumoto seemed to understand his frustrations, probably more so than he could imagine. Moments passed and she never relinquished her hold on him. She would only release him when he wanted her to he came to conclude. It came a bit of a shock to him when he realized, deep down, that he didn't want her to let go, not yet. Somewhere within him still beat the heart of someone who had grown up entirely too fast and experienced too much pain than most do in their lifetime.

So, for once, his arms wrapped around Matsumoto's torso in response and he allowed himself to enjoy the warmth and comfort that was being willingly given to him to melt away the cold cage he had placed around himself.

Perhaps it wasn't his fault.

_**End chapter 1**_


	2. Chapter 2

**_Disclaimer_:** _I do not own Bleach in any shape or form.__

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_She stares through my shadow_

_She sees something more_

_Believes there's a light in me_

_She is sure_

_And her truth makes me stronger_

_Does she realize?_

_I awake every morning_

_With her strength by my side_

"In Her Eyes", **Josh Groban**

Dusk was showing that it was it's time of day. The sun was on the verge of completely setting making the sky a canvas to the mixing colors of orange, red, and purple to create a beautiful painting above the land for all to enjoy. One, however, was not enjoying picturesque scene. A white, haori clad figure sat hunched over a large, aging wood desk. The sun's fading rays, which still feebly attempted to illuminate the darkening room, only managed to fall upon the back of the figure highlighting the number ten kanji on the back of the haori and snow colored, spiked hair.

"Matsumoto…"

Hitsugaya Toshirou, taicho of the 10th squad, shifted in the large wood chair he was perched in into a more erect position to allow relief to his strained back. He didn't pause in his writing, strong but rough hands creating quick yet graceful strokes with the ink brush he held firmly between his fingers. The dim light did little to distract him from his work other than cause his eyes to strain a bit more to see with the lack of brightness. He had been working since nine that morning with few breaks in between in order to complete the work set for him as soon as possible, he refused to stop at the time when he had so little paperwork left.

It took a few moments for him to register that he received no response to his inquiry. His hand writing began faltering, slowing down before ultimately halting. A white brow twitched in obvious annoyance at the silence. Hitsugaya raised his vivid blue-green eyes away from his paper work towards the couch that sat seemingly alone in the center of the room.

"Matsumoto," he repeated, more firm.

Although he appeared solitary, he knew there was another in the room. After many years of working with Matsumoto, he was able to feel her presence now. This proved true even when she was attempting to suppress her reiatsu to avoid being found by him to do paperwork. It was odd, and he wasn't quite sure how to describe it exactly. It was almost a warn feeling that filled the room when she entered, it seemed to wash over his skin and caress his face before intermingling with his soul. It never failed to leave him in a more comfortable mood, even if a majority of the time that Matsumoto around she was driving him to the brink of insanity. That feeling, combined with the knowledge that the last time his eyes left his paperwork she was on the couch pretending to do her own work, made him absolutely positive that she was still in the room and was purposely ignoring him. That served to only irritate him further.

Sometimes he and almost everyone else in the Seireitei wondered why he still kept Matsumoto around. His squad was one of the more strict ones, perhaps only second to Squad 6 and followed by Squad 2, and for someone as lazy and irresponsible as Matsumoto, it just didn't seem to fit. There were many rumors about it. One that particularly stood out and never seemed to die as it was whispered across the Seireitei was that it was because of Matsumoto's famous assets that she was kept around, after all the taicho of the 10th squad was still a male it was only natural he wouldn't be able to resist them.

He had heard them all and found they couldn't be further from the truth. Yes, Matsumoto was lazy and yes, she was very irresponsible, but those qualities seemed to be overshadowed by others that she possessed. His fukutaicho was a very loyal person to her taicho as well as her entire squad. Extremely empathetic, she seemed to always know how to respond accordingly to people. When other's lives were in danger, she stepped up to the occasion and commanded the situation as well as her taicho, if not better. Their entire squad admired and respected her. Matsumoto understood when it was time to get serious, and he found all of these qualities to overlap the fact that she slacked off when it came to paper work. He would also admit to himself, and no one else, that her easy-going and free-spirited personality made the job much more bearable.

It was at this moment, when his patience was wearing thin and temper almost at the end of its fuse, he had to remember that it was because of those qualities he kept her as his fukutaicho. Hitsugaya Toshirou did not like being ignored. The 10th squad captain rose from his worn, wooded chair, briefly noting a creak that sounded when he did so, before proceeding over toward the large couch.

Why did he even get a couch in his office anyhow? He should have known Matsumoto would have taken advantage of it. Oh, yes, now he recalled. Matsumoto had said his office lacked 'life' and decided it needed things to spruce it up. That had been a complete disaster. Matsumoto had first painted his walls a sea-green color, to match his eyes she had said. Then had hung up various pictures that made no sense to him, who was NSync anyway? He had nagging suspicion that she didn't know either. It was probably something she picked up in the human realm. Finally, she had added entirely too much furniture. It was all very distracting and in the end of her room makeover, only the couch and coffee table was able to stay. The single reason for this was because the couch and coffee table had been the only decent thing that she had brought in. He also didn't want to hurt he feelings more than he already had. When he given his honest opinion of the make-over, Matsumoto had been angry with him for a week until she saw that he kept something she contributed.

He came to a stop by the armrest of the brown and tan colored couch; the twitch in his brow appeared once more as his suspicions were confirmed. Matsumoto was sprawled out on the couch length wise, one arm draped across her eyes while the other hung over the edge of the couch. Her mouth was slightly parted as small breaths of hair passed through her lips. Her hair sprawled out underneath her, part of it following her arm and spilling over the couch as well. Beside her on the coffee table, paper work was thrown about the table top with no indication that it had been worked on. The only thing that showed that Matsumoto had even touched the papers was the small doodles of her taicho and friends on the corners. Hitsugaya couldn't help but release a nosy, frustrated sigh. Maybe getting a new fukutaicho wouldn't be such a bad idea...

"_Here is your office, Hitsugaya-taicho. Welcome to the 10__th__ squad, we look forward to serving under you…"_

_Hitsugaya nodded towards his 3__rd__ seat, who, despite his polite words, scrutinized him with dark brown eyes through his long black bangs. It was obvious that the man was not expecting his new taicho to have the appearance of a young boy or to be fresh out of Shinigami School. Hints of envy were traced in his eyes but he evidently had more restraint then to share his thoughts about his new taicho, at least for the moment. The 3__rd__ seat of the 10__th__ squad forced a smile before bowing deeply and then turning to retreat down the long hall. _

_Though Hitsugaya's face remained impassive through the entire ordeal, internally he was seething. He was used to others doubting his qualifications by appearance alone, but that didn't mean it didn't bother him. Lips down turned into what would become an infamous frown, he turned towards his office door. This was his office, his squad now. There was a lot of responsibility resting on his shoulders, more than he had ever imagined at the beginning of his shinigami career when he first entered those school doors. Was he ready for such a large step? Inhaling deeply and allowing himself to rid his mind of all doubts, he confirmed that he was ready. He had worked long and hard to get to where he was. There was no turning back now._

_The door slid open and stopped with a light clack. His hand remained on the door as his eyes looked over the entire office. It was a nice size and simple with plenty of light. There was a large wooden desk in the middle of the room facing the door as well as a slightly smaller one on the left side facing towards the middle of the room. Bookshelves lined with books, large and small, spread out across walls behind his desk extending to the corners of the back wall. Other than the bookshelves, there was nothing else on the walls. _

_After taking the room in, his eyes returned back to the desk. Already there was a pile of paper ready to be attended too. While others may have took their time getting to the paperwork, opting to explore their squad first, Hitsugaya felt he needed a head start. It was still early and he had time to get through what was on his desk before it was too late for him to do other things. Already he was creating a mental schedule for the day that consisted of paperwork, meeting with his fukutaicho and seats, overseeing training, and become familiar with the 10__th__ squad quarters. With that all in mind, he made motion to enter the room for his first day as the 10__th__ squad taicho of the Gotei 13. He didn't make one step into the room however before he was halted by slender hands covering his eyes, darkening his sight, two large, warm objects that were placed on his shoulders and a body pressed against his back. Instantly he became rigid and his hand immediately began to reach up for Hyourinmaru only to be stopped by-_

"_Guess who, taicho!"_

_Rather than grabbing hyourinmaru, he pulled the female's hands away from his face roughly and dropped them before whirling around to face his offender. He opened his mouth to give the person a violent verbal thrashing but paused while taking in their appearance. Long blond hair, those sharp grey eyes, mole birthmark on the corner of the mouth, and impossibly large assets caused instant recognition to fill his mind as well as something else he couldn't pinpoint, possibly joy? This was the woman from before. Someone whose name he didn't even know but had made such an impact on his life. Part of the reason he became a shinigami was because of this woman. By the small curve on her lips and the twinkle in her eyes, he knew she remembered him as well. It took a few moments for him to recover and replace his surprise with a stern glare. It would have been much more intimidating if his face didn't reach her breast and he had to look up to look at her._

"_I don't know who you think you are-"_

"_Nice to know you took my advice, Hitsugaya-taicho!"_

_She looked positively pleased and he found his annoyance at the intrusion of his person faltering under her bright presence. She also confirmed what he already knew, she remembered him from their past encounters. Somehow he knew that their paths would always cross, when or where, he didn't know, but he was certain, after that first meeting when she encouraged him to become a shinigami, that they would. How ironic that he surpassed her and…wait-_

"_Are you one of my subordinates?_

_A surprised look overcame her features before mischief entered her eyes. She leaned over slightly and placed her arms behind her back causing her breast to push out. He honestly didn't know how those things stayed within their confines. It was also quite distracting to have the threatening objects so close seeming almost ready to attack him. No, he hadn't forgotten the last time he had met with them. They had, after all, nearly given him a concussion._

"_They didn't tell you? Matsumoto Rangiku-fukutaicho at your services!"_

_It almost felt like someone had punched him the gut with ice colder than hyourinmaru could ever produce. Surely that couldn't be true? Hitsugaya closed his eyes, a frown knitting between his brows as he sought to fight an upcoming headache. He felt extremely drained for it to be his first day as a taicho and wondered if this was what he had to look forward to in the future. He released a mental sigh. Well, she couldn't be that bad and had to have more than enough competency if she had made it through the ranks to be fukutaicho. _

_His lids slid open to once more take in his new fukutaicho. She was still watching him with an innocent and open look on her face. From what he could see and feel, he could trace no malice or jealousy from her. That did not mean, however, that she did not have none and he would have rather got it out in the open in the beginning if he was suppose to be working with this woman. If she had doubts about serving him, their partnership might not work. _

"_Matsumoto-fukutaicho, if you have any reserves about being my subordinate I would appreciate if your voice your concerns now, I would like to make this go by as smoothly as possible."_

_Now it was Matsumoto who looked surprised. Her mouth formed a small 'O' and her brows rose. She straightened back into a standing position and placed her hands on her hips. The surprised expression was soon replaced by a radiant smile that was so infectious it threatened to break through his guards and almost caused him to smile. _

"_Hitsugaya-taicho, it's an honor to serve under you. I know no one else who deserves it as much. I promise to be loyal to the end."_

_It wasn't much, but the sincerity in which she said those words that held no doubts about his abilities caused something in him to warm. It was one of the first times he felt he didn't have to fight against something. A small smile managed to grace his lips even against his wishes and he pretended to cough, raising his hand to his mouth in an attempt to hide it. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad._

"_Besides, how can I have fight against having such a cute taicho?"_

_Then the moment was ruined with those words and slim arms wrapping around his head, pulling him into a warm, dark valley that threatened to suffocate him with lack of air._

"_Matsumoto!"_

A few seconds ticked by and he had yet to return to his desk. He observed her with no reserve, his eyes half-lidded in thought while he did so. No, he wouldn't get a new fukutaicho, no matter how infuriating Matsumoto could be at times. She had something that he admired and that was loyalty. He would never have to worry about Matsumoto ever betraying him like…

The 10th squad taicho broke himself from his thoughts. This was not the time to be thinking of the past, they were here in the present and that was all that mattered. He moved closer to Matsumoto's sleeping form; his hand reached out ready to shake the lazy woman awake when he paused. There was a smile on Matsumoto's lips that wasn't there when he first had made his way to the couch.

He realized a moment too late the danger he was in when a hand shot out and grasped onto his wrist. With surprising strength, Matsumoto pulled her taicho into her chest holding him tightly there. A laugh erupted from her lips as looked down at head of white hair watching her taicho struggle in her grasp. That mischief glint that always meant no good was in her eyes and a large smile spread across her face.

"You were watching me an awful long time weren't you, taicho, did you want to join me?" she teased.

Hitsugaya finally wrenched free from her grasp with an audible gasp. He stumbled backwards as he did so almost falling over the coffee table behind him. His shoulders were bunched up near his ears in tension and cheeks held a vibrant red, whether from embarrassment or anger even he didn't know. Matsumoto now sat up, stretching as she did so, and released a satisfied sigh.

"What a nice way to wake up!" She declared further increasing the red in her taicho's cheeks.

"Get back to work!" was his instant reply and he swirled on his heel to return to his own paperwork waiting for him on his desk.

The smile immediately dropped from Matsumoto's face. Her lips curled into a pout as she climbed on the couch with her knees beneath her, turning to lean against the back of the couch facing her taicho. Her fingers drummed the top of the couch giving away her obvious displeasure at being told to return back to her paperwork. It was all so very boring that she could hardly focus the last time she attempted to complete it, thus the reason why she had fallen asleep on the couch.

Hitsugaya returned to his desk, sitting back down smoothly into the familiar large wooden chair. He quickly picked up his ink brush and resumed the work he still had despite his many hours of working. He refused to look up because he knew Matsumoto was pouting and was waiting to use his weakness for it against him. Even if it took many tries, Matsumoto always won in the end with that pouting face.

Seeing that her secret weapon was ineffective, she opted for begging. It didn't have quite the same affect as the pouting face, but it was a formidable weapon as well.

"But taicho, I've done my best today and it's already night time. Aren't you tired? I'm so hungry…"

Hitsugaya briefly glanced towards the window to find that it was indeed dark outside already. He mentally cursed at becoming distracted and wondered exactly how long had he been standing there watching Matsumoto. There wasn't much paperwork left but he still wanted to get it done before nightfall. He noted that Matsumoto's own work was still littering the coffee table untouched. That was more work that he would more than likely have to complete later for it to be turned in on time. He frowned in obvious frustration at his current situation.

"Taicho?"

Strong self-control kept Hitsugaya from jumping in his seat. Somehow Matsumoto had managed to place herself on the corner of his desk unnoticed to his eye. He shot her an annoyed look and attempted to ignore her once more looking back down at his paperwork.

"Taicho, come to dinner with me?"

He raised a brow at this unusual proposition. Usually Matsumoto met up with her friends after work to have a drink. While she did invite him to join her, they both knew he would decline. He didn't drink sake after all, so what would be the point? The idea of eating a normal meal with his fukutaicho outside of the office seemed foreign. It did sound tempting though. He had been working nonstop and could only remember eating once that day.

His eyes fell upon the small amount of paperwork he had left. It was nothing he couldn't finish in the morning and it wasn't due till the day after. It was something that was going to bother him though. He was just the type of person who needed to have everything finished before he felt he could relax. A few moments passed as his mind and his stomach internally debated. Matsumoto remained silent, waiting patiently for her taicho's decision before she based her own actions for the night on his reply. She didn't have to wait long as a loud growl filled the silence in the room answering for him, much to its owner's embarrassment.

"Come on, taicho!"

The grin that curled her lips almost reached her eyes. She slid off the desk in one fluid motion and wrapped a hand around Hitsugaya's upper arm tugging. Hitsugaya relented and offered little resistance. He concluded that he would make up for his procrastination in the morning by doing twice the usual amount of paper work.

* * *

"We'll have the sashimi and nikuman, a bottle of sake-"

"Matsumoto…"

"Alright, alright, we'll have a cup of tea each."

The waiter was admittedly handsome, tall and lean with short, messy black hair falling into violet eyes. The moment Hitsugaya and Matsumoto had entered the restaurant the waiter had been attempting to flirt with Matsumoto, much to both Matsumoto and Hitsugaya's annoyance. He spent the first five minutes paying no heed to the taicho in his presence until a glare from Matsumoto finally forced him to focus. After taking their order, he bowed deeply, shooting Matsumoto a not-so-secretive appreciative glance that she purposely ignored. Matsumoto huffed in indignation but her mood seemed to do a complete one 180 as she turned her attention to her taicho, who looked a bit uncomfortable being there alone with her.

The restaurant was one of Matsumoto's favorites. Hitsugaya didn't get out much so he was content with allowing Matsumoto to choose the place. It was a charming little place, tucked away between larger restaurants causing it to be often overlooked. The tables were all circular with two chairs opposite of each other and a lit, melting candle in the middle. It was obviously a place that catered for couples and it occurred to Hitsugaya that it might have looked like they were on a date or something. That thought was the source of his unease.

Matsumoto propped her elbows up on the table, her slender fingers laced together in front of face before she placed her chin on top of them. She presented him with that bright infectious smile once more, easing his discomfort and almost causing a curve of his lips as well. They sat in companionable silence enjoying one another's presence. Hitsugaya's eyes drifted closed to further emerge into the warm atmosphere.

"Taicho…may I ask you a question?"

Matsumoto velvety voice filled his ears and he re-opened his eyes in response. She looked very solemn and somehow he already knew what she was going to inquire before she even spoke. Softly inhaling, he gave her a curt nod to continue.

"How are you feeling now?"

It was a question he had been dodging for the past two years. She only asked him a few times, and each time he felt himself not ready to answer. It had been too soon. While two years in the human realm seemed like quite some time, in the soul society it was almost like a few months. Now however, looking into those slate grey eyes that held so much worry and patience, he felt much more stable than the year before and it was in those eyes that found the strength to share. Exhaling, his hand rose to tangle his fingers into his hair. He didn't know how to explain it, but he attempted to put his thoughts into words the best he could.

"I still think about her," he began in a low tone "I still dream about how she looked that day before…before she died. She looked so scared and I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't protect her even though I promise. I didn't get to tell her that I…I feel like a part of me died that day but…I'm trying, I'm surviving without her."

Silence followed and he couldn't help but feel extremely vulnerable at moment. Matsumoto would never judge him, he knew, but to finally say how he felt out loud was one of the most difficult things he had ever done. Once more he felt uneasy, but for an entirely different reason. Matsumoto appeared to be in deep thought and it suddenly occurred to him that she had dealt with the lost of her own loved one. Why he never took into consideration her pain, he didn't know. He was being extremely selfish by the way he was acting. At least he was able to get some form of closure with Hinamori. Matsumoto hadn't been there when Gin fell.

"Matsumo-"

"I think she would be happy to know that you're surviving. She'd be happy to know that someone remembered her, not as Aizen's lackey, but as a real person who was vibrant and loving. She would be, she is, proud of you Toshirou."

Somehow he knew she wasn't just talking about Hinamori. Her words touched him deeply and eased a part of him that had always focused on that hate that Hinamori seemed to hold for him in their final moments together. Perhaps she was right. Hitsugaya was sure she was right. He felt something warm cover his hand and looked down. Matsumoto's own hand enveloped his own and for once he did not sputter in embarrassment, but gripped back tightly. An understanding passed between them and he finally allowed a smile to break through his icy barrier to the surface.

They ate their meal mostly in amiable silence. Matsumoto occasionally broke the silence to tease Hitsugaya or to complain about something trivial. When the meal was finished, he insisted on walking her back to her room. Not because he thought she couldn't take care of herself in case something happened, but just to be polite. Matsumoto had refused at first but eventually surrendered to her taicho's stubborn insistence. The walk had been pleasant. The moon was full and intense in the sky casting its bright silver light over the land. There had been no wind and the air was warm without being uncomfortable.

Finally they arrived at Matsumoto's room. Hitsugaya shifted awkwardly making an effort to think of something to say. Matsumoto watched him amused before tapping his shoulder to gain his attention. He turned towards her instantly caught off guard as a pair of warm lips were pressed against his cheek. A pink hue glowed on his cheeks and he was at a lost of words. Matsumoto chuckled and winked at him.

"Thank you for dinner, taicho!"

With that she left him alone to his thoughts. Hitsugaya couldn't help but raise his hand to his cheek. He could almost still feel the pressure of her lips against his cheek and it caused his skin to rise in goose bumps. Hitsugaya could count on one hand the number of times he had been kissed before them, twice on the forehead by his Granny and a kiss on the cheek before she left to Shinigami School by Hinamori. None of those though, if memory served him correct, had ever made his heart speed up like this and a persistent blush to paint his cheeks.

A piece of him was guilty however, a large part of him still belonged to Hinamori and he felt as though he was betraying her memory by feeling this way. How could he feel this way about anyone anyhow? Let alone his fukutaicho. The idea of Hinamori's disappointed face left a queasy reaction in gut, but the image of Matsumoto's smile eased the sensation. Hitsugaya frowned at himself. Why was he thinking about Matsumoto is such a manner? She had flirt with him before and he had not reacted in such a way. It was probably just the moment, he concluded. Tomorrow things would go back to the way they were, he thought to himself as he made his way back to his own sleeping quarters.

His eyes found themselves drawn towards the sky to the large moon. It was absolutely breathtaking; he never really did get the time to appreciate the small things in life. The moon also was the most unique shade of blue and silver.

Just like her eyes…

Hitsugaya blinked, wondering why such a trivial thought even crossed his mind before brushing it off and entering his room. Things would return to normal in the morning.

…Or so he hoped.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

So...haven't updated in a while and I apologize. Hopefully this 9 page, 4061 word chapter will make up for it.

Disclaimer: Still don't own Bleach.

* * *

When I look into your eyes

I see sunshine

The clouds are blown away

I hope you're here to stay

'Cause you've got me needing more of you

Guess I'm falling for you

Guess I'm Falling For You, **Michael Buble**

"_Hitsugaya-kun!"_

_There it was. That familiar voice that would make any other man go out of his mind with desire but only served to make Hitsugaya's skin crawl with the anticipation of what was to come. It took all his years of self-control to keep him from bolting like a mad man. Perhaps a part of him didn't want to. He didn't bother to look back, opting to ignoring the voice while he continued through the Shinigami school grounds towards the main building. Of course he didn't get far; she was very persistent and didn't seem to take any notice of his irritation toward her. Gentle hands were placed on his shoulders halting his movement and he couldn't help the annoyed twitch in his brow as a warm body was pressed against his back. _

"_Hey kid, I know you heard me!"_

"_It's Hitsugaya-san!" He snapped in reply, finally giving in and turning around to face her._

_She looked no different than the other times she had come to the school. Same shoulder length hair, same mole, same large…eyes. He attempted to force away the blush that refused to die as he diverted his eyes to the ground, away from the first thing in his line of sight when facing the shinigami. _

"_So what do you want now?" he mumbled._

"_To see my favorite, cute shinigami student, of course!" _

_He glanced to the side to watch students point and laugh at his expense. It was the same thing over and over again, she'd come with her loud ways and appearance attracting all kinds of attention to him that he didn't want. He had already earned his peers' scorn due to his genius label; he just wanted to lay low for now. He directed his gaze back to smiling woman and resisted the urge to return the contagious smile. There was no need to encourage her. His brows knitted into a frown as she began to ramble on about her day. While some of the information was interesting as it allowed him a glance into shinigami life in the __Seireitei__, he couldn't help but balk at everything else she spoke of. She said embarrassing things so easily. After allowing her to speak for a few moments, he decided he had heard enough and raised a hand to stop her. She paused, eyes glittering in curiosity at his silent request. Usually he tolerated her chatter for much longer._

"_Will you please stop," he began quietly "please stop coming here. I don't know or care why, but stop."_

_It was the first time he had ever seen a serious frown on her face and for some odd reason he found he didn't like it. He could detect the disappointment in her eyes causing him to feel incredibly guilty. A smile that didn't quite reach her eyes curled onto her lips and she took a step back from the white-haired boy. _

"_Ah, I see. Okay, I won't bother you anymore Hitsugaya-kun!"_

_She said all of this with a very cheerful voice but he still had that nagging sick feeling in his gut as she turned on her heel and walked away. Somehow he felt as though he had insulted her. She had, after all, only been checking up on him since it was she who persuaded him to go to Shinigami School. Briefly he wondered why he tended to push away those who attempted to be close to him. However, the thought was quickly dismissed, as that was who he was, and he turned around to proceed into the school._

_Days later and there had been no sign of the shinigami. She apparently had taken his words to heart. It was when he would begin to discreetly look around for signs of her that he realized that he had been looking forward to her company. The irony was enough to make him chuckle. Months passed by without incident for Hitsugaya, who, much to the dismay of his classmates, continued to excel in all his classes. There was still no Shinigami and he gave up looking a few weeks later._

_The day she returned into his life was not a pleasant one._

_The sun was high, white clouds contrasting blue were scattered through the skies. It was a warm, beautiful afternoon and seemed as though nothing could go wrong that day. The students in the Shinigami School were almost restless to escape. Hitsugaya seemed to pay less attention to nature's beauty the older he grew. While others glanced out the windows of the classroom with longing, silently hoping the lesson would be over soon so that they may go and enjoy it, he was studying intensely and scribbling down notes as they went upon the board._

"_Centuries of experience are normally needed to achieve __bankai__ and ten years of additional training to master it. Even within the four noble houses of Soul Society, only one person in several generations will be born with the spiritual power necessary to achieve __bankai__. Because the act of bankai usually takes hundreds of years of combat experience to achieve, it is rare amongst __shinigami__ and almost exclusively limited to the thirteen __shinigami__ captains in the Gotei 13…"_

_The instructor, a tall, older man wearing a typical shihakushō with dark hair and contrasting light eyes, trailed off as the sound of gentle knocking interrupted his speech. The instructor's brows drew down into an annoyed frown before he took long steps towards the door. Sliding it open, he began to speak in a quiet tone to an unseen figure. Curiosity radiated off the students and even Hitsugaya couldn't help but raise a brow. _

_The instructor's face was grim as he took a step back into the room allowing whoever he was talking to, to enter. His stomach did a flip-flop at the familiar face. He didn't know whether to be frustrated that she hadn't listened to him, or glad for it. Something seemed off though. Her face, which had normally been adorned with a large grin, was unusually somber and her eyes that scanned over the room seemed much darker. Their eyes met and she signaled him in a come hither motion. Ignoring the obvious looks he was receiving from his peers, he stood from his seating place and gathered all of his things. _

"_Hey kid."_

_The woman greeted him weakly as he came before her. His stomach began to churn uncomfortably as he sensed there was something wrong. He didn't voice any questions running through his mind while there were still eyes on him. Quietly he followed the blonde shinigami out of the classroom and down the hall towards the exit doors of the school. Finally feeling secure knowing there was no one around to overhear their conversation, he broke the silence between them._

"_What's going on?"_

_She didn't reply for a long moment, he could almost hear the wheels turning in her head as she thought. Her face was still twisted into a frown and when she looked back at him, it was full of sorrow and pity. It only served to make him even more worried to the point he couldn't stand it. _

"_Hey-"_

"_It's your grandmother…she's not doing so well."_

_He didn't know what he was expecting, but it wasn't that. His mind was in an instant jumble and his coordination was thrown off causing him to stumble over his feet. A warm hand gripped his shoulder preventing him from moving about clumsily and while he normally would have been embarrassed that such a thing happened at the moment his mind was on one thing._

"_Let me go, I have to go to her!"_

_He roughly shrugged off her hand and broke into a run towards the doors, bursting them open. There was something wild in his eyes as he looked over the land. He knew exactly how to get to the home where his grandmother resided. The problem was that even if he ran the whole way it would still take hours for him to get there. Who knows what would happen in those hours. He had no choice, however, and he would run to her with no hesitation. _

_He made a movement to go once more but was halted by a hand gripping his upper arm tightly. Glacier colored eyes glared up at the source that was preventing him from going to his grandmother. A look of determination replaced the look of sorrow and pity she had previously held, despite the situation he mentally noted he preferred that look better._

"_Don't move, I'm going to shunpo us to the house. We should arrive there far quicker."_

_He had heard shunpo but never experienced it firsthand. It was like a whirlwind. It made his stomach queasy and he had to crouch over after they had stopped in order to quell the feeling. Even so, they had arrived in a timely manner. Swallowing, he rushed towards the doors that lead into that single room that his grandmother had always been sitting in. The blonde shinigami trailed behind him in a much slower pace, after a while he forgot she was there. He almost couldn't control his strength as he pulled the doors open. _

_There she was. She lay on a futon in the middle of the floor, covers pulled up to her chin with a small wet towel on her forehead. Grandmother was still small and fragile as she had been when he left; the only difference was that warm glow that seemed to cover her had dimmed. He approached her with caution, as though his presence would make things worse. It was nonsense of course but he felt that way regardless. Finally he stood over her form. Her eyes were closed and breathing was shallow. Hitsugaya dropped to his knees beside her. There was a burning sensation behind his eyes but he refused to acknowledge it. _

"_Grandmother," he croaked out._

_He glanced over the room before realizing something else was wrong._

"_Where's Hinamori?"_

"_She's been called, she should arrive shortly," the blonde shinigami responded._

_His grandmother shifted before her eyes cracked open sluggishly. A slow smile made its way to her lips and they parted as words escaped them._

"_Toshirou, my boy."_

"_Grandmother, please don't talk. You have to save your energy." _

"_Hitsugaya, my time is short. Please, take care of Hinamori. She is not strong like you, she needs someone to support her and needs someone to support. I fear it might lead to her downfall one day but with you watching her I can rest peacefully knowing she will be alright. I have always and will always think of you as my grandson. You and Hinamori are what made my life here so beautiful. I don't regret a single thing…"_

"_Grandmother…"_

_Hitsugaya didn't know what to do. What could he do? Everything had a life span and his grandmother had lived very long by soul society standards. It was just so hard to let her go. She was the rock that kept him from going insane with loneliness. The burning sensation grew to an almost unbearable level. His grandmother released a strained chuckle as she looked upon his distraught face._

"_You're a wonderful boy, Toshirou. I know you will achieve great things."_

_Her eyes slowly drifted closed, a peaceful smile on her aged features. Hitsugaya knew she would never awaken again. It felt like the minutes passed by agonizingly slow for Hitsugaya. No tears ran down his face nor was a sad look on his features. Nothing seemed to portray any pain he might of felt. He was blank and to an observer it appeared as though he was going through withdrawal. Really he was merely contemplating. What was he going to do now without the loving guidance and support of his grandmother? Hinamori had her own life and he could not rely on her to be there for him when he needed help despite their closeness. Now he had no one, he felt lost._

"_Shinigami…what happens to souls here when they die?"_

_The woman almost looked startled to be addressed but recovered gracefully. She took a hesitant step into the room and then another, bolder one until she was standing beside the boy._

"_Souls are reincarnated onto earth with no memory of the past…"she explained_

"_I see…"_

_They fell into silence. Hitsugaya was feeling immeasurable guilt that he had not been there sooner. A gentle hand was placed on his back causing his shoulder to rise slightly in tension. Soon it began rubbing his back in small circles and against his will his body began to gradually relax. Part of him didn't want to be comforted, he wanted to feel this loss completely, another part of him, however, was grateful. _

"_You know…its okay to cry over someone you love. It's okay to let the pain out…"_

_The words were murmured warmly in his ear and he didn't know how she managed to kneel beside him so closely without his noticing. Her suggestion rang absurd to him in his mind. He couldn't remember ever shedding a tear for anything or anyone. Nothing had ever been worth his tears…but looking down on his still grandmother, he realized he found someone worth crying for. Then the flood came. His eyes began to fill with water giving them a glassy appearance before spilling over and down his cheeks. He cried silently. The only odd thing about it was the tears falling to the floor were frozen like blue gems._

"_Hitsugaya-kun, grandmother!"_

_Hinamori's voice was followed by her presence as she thrust through the doors of the room. She was panting heavily, obviously out of breath with her eyes reflecting fear. One look at her still grandmother and a crying Hitsugaya was all the indication she needed to know that the worst had happened. Her own eyes began to tear up and she began to cry in a less controlled manner than Hitsugaya shaking her head in denial. She didn't even notice the other shinigami gracefully going to her feet and moving away from Hitsugaya to exit the room quietly. _

_Hitsugaya made a quick note of this but it was pushed to the back of his mind as Hinamori took the front. He responded to Hinamori by rising to his feet and quickly making his way to the crying girl. Awkwardly, he patted her on the back in an attempt to console her. Hinamori turned towards him and enveloped him into a hug with a loud wail. Hitsugaya allowed her to do so, returning the embrace and clutching to Hinamori as though she was his last line. They took comfort in each other and mourned the loss of a mutual loved one._

The sun peeked through the curtains of a window, its rays streamed down onto the floor. The light fell upon a sleeping figure that began to stir when the light stroked his face. Vivid green eyes peered through pale lids in wakening. Hitsugaya blinked once, twice, before his eyes completely fluttered open. He groaned in protest against waking up even as he pushed himself into a sitting position. His hair was flattened down and messy, much like his earlier childhood years. The covers had slipped down his form onto his lap revealing his naked chest. A strong hand reached up and he ran his fingers through his hair; he scratched his scalp slightly along the way. That had been an odd dream. It was something he hadn't, didn't like, to think about in a long time.

It had been one-hundred years since the death of his grandmother. A lot had changed. He had lost her warm guidance that day, but mysterious forces ensured that he wouldn't be alone, they had sent Matsumoto. Now that he thought about it, Matsumoto had been there for him for a long time. She had cared for him even before he had become a captain, even before he knew her name. As much as he grudgingly admitted it to himself, Matsumoto had become his best friend, even when Hinamori was alive.

The previous night came flooding back into his mind warming his cheeks gradually. The kiss had been so small and insignificant, so why was it still affecting him so much? He couldn't feel this way, he loved Hinamori, and you could only have feelings about one person at a time, right? Hitsugaya released another groan, this time from frustration. His genius could help him with anything but the matters on hand. Resigned to put it in the back of his mind and forget about it, he rose from his futon and proceeded to prepare himself for the day.

He arrived at the office at precisely 8 o' clock in the morning. His stomach growled in protest at missing breakfast but he hadn't the time to give in to its want. The 10th division taicho opened the door of his office to a surprising sight that was enough to make his eyes widen and jaw slack a bit. There was Matsumoto sitting on the couch with a cup and a stack of papers. She was reading something intently while quietly sipping, taking no notice to her newly arrived taicho. Matsumoto was actually on time to work, doing paperwork, and not drunk. It was enough to make Hitsugaya believe in miracles. His eyes were then drawn to a cup of warm tea, judging by the steam, and a plate filled with rice crackers on his desk. The edge of Hitsugaya's lips tipped upward.

Matsumoto looked over the piece of paper she was reading and became aware of Hitsugaya's presence. A warm smile made its way to her lips and she set her cup on the coffee table.

"Morning, taicho!"

"Good morning, Matsumoto," he greeted in return entering the room and closing the door behind him.

"Thank you for last night. I had such a good time!" she gushed, "but you should have joined me after walking me home, I was so lonely. Next time, maybe?"

Hitsugaya's face went instantly red from his neck to the tip of his ears at the suggestive tone of her voice and words.

"Get back to work!"

He made his way briskly to his desk, brows drawn into a frown. Matsumoto twisted on the couch to look at him over the couch with a pout on her face. When he made no move to acknowledge her pout she sighed dramatically and turned back to the work spread out across the coffee table. Hitsugaya rolled his eyes and reached for the cup of tea. He paused, looking at the small meal Matsumoto had left for him and smiled again.

The hours passed by uneventful and quiet with the exception of Matsumoto's soft humming. Hitsugaya was finally pulled away from his paper work as Matsumoto dropped a large stack of finished papers on his desk that landed with a loud thud. She looked positively pleased with her accomplishment, if a bit tired. He couldn't remember the last time she had gone through and completed all of her paper work. He found he was fond of the expression on her face; it was enough to make him crack a bit of smile. Something he had been doing a lot lately with Matsumoto around. Matsumoto slid on to his desk into a sitting position, much to his relief she didn't knock anything over.

"So my personal opinion about the new unseated officers…"

She began to explain her view points on the new recruits she had met with. Their abilities, states, capabilities, personalities, and what they could contribute to the division. Hitsugaya was thoroughly impressed with her report. Not only had she (done) the work, but she had done it extremely well. He would have been proud if it wasn't her job in the first place, but still it was a grand achievement for Matsumoto. He continued to listen and watch Matsumoto, occasionally nodding to assure her that she still held his attention.

His mind began to wander though, he took notice of her face which projected joy in every muscle, her eyes that brightened every time something particular caught her interest, and her lips. Her lips were full and beautifully shaped; he would go as far as to call them perfect. Pink with a light sheen he concluded was lip balm, they looked terribly inviting. Hitsugaya stood; the rational part of his brain began to ring warning alarms loudly in an attempt to alert him of his actions. The rational part of his brain was drowned out, however, by the animalistic buzz in his ears urging him to release his control for once, and he listened.

Matsumoto looked at him curiously as he stood and moved in front of her. Her brows drew down into a light frown of concern upon looking at her captain's face. It held an unfathomable expression but it caused her to visibly shiver, unconsciously responding to it. That seemed to be all the encouragement Hitsugaya needed.

"Taicho, what's wrong-"

The words died on the lips of Hitsugaya. Hands clenched the edge of the desk bracing him as he leaned into Matsumoto, lips pressed firmly against her own comfortably. Mentally he was thankful for the slight height increase he gained recently. Matsumoto was apparently surprised and failed to react immediately. Nonetheless she made a speedy recovery and responded to Hitsugaya's kiss with equal fervor, bringing her arms up to rest on his shoulders and fingers dipping into the sea of white that was his hair.

It felt so good, he felt as though he would pass out from the pleasure. Was he allowed to feel this good? His hands moved away from edge of the desk up to Matsumoto's waist, wrapping his arms around her waist pulling her even closer to his body. The heat between them almost felt like it burned but he wanted more. Reluctantly, he pulled away to catch his breath. Matsumoto's eyes were half-lidded in desire and gazing into his own intensely. They both panted lightly but within seconds their lips were connected once more, clutching to each other like they would disappear if they let go.

"Toshirou…" Matsumoto moaned against his mouth.

_Toshirou…_

Something painful lurched in Hitsugaya's heart as the face of Hinamori Momo flashed across his closed lids. His eyes rapidly opened and the pain increased seeing Matsumoto's face in a state of pure bliss. His next actions almost killed him. Pulling his lips away from her, he released his hold around Matsumoto's waist and brought his hands up to her arms. He reached up and grasped Matsumoto's wrist tugging them until they slid out of his hair. Taking a step away from her leaving the warmth between them, he dropped her wrist and advert his gaze.

"Matsumoto, we can't do this."

"Why not? Is it because I'm your fukutaicho? Shunsui and Nanao-chan are together and no one cares. Or is it-"

"It's because you're not her!" he interrupted with a bark, feeling horrible the moment the words left his mouth.

He finally peeked back at Matsumoto, expecting to see her destroyed by his revelation. On the contrary she looked absolutely furious. Her cheeks were burning red and blue eyes darkened projecting her fury. Despite his fighting instincts, he failed to see Matsumoto's hand ball into a fist and raise up to hit him until it actually struck. His eyes were widened in disbelief; Matsumoto had never hit him before outside of sparring and never in anger.

"Fine," Matsumoto spat venomously, sliding off the desk, her feet barely touched the ground before she shunpo'd out of the office leaving Hitsugaya alone.

Hitsugaya fell back into his chair with a mental scream of aggravation. He felt colder than Hyourinmaru could ever make him. Gently he touched the tender side of his face and hissed. That was surely going to leave a bruise; her fist must have been laced with reiatsu for a more damaging impact. He had to think of a suitable excuse to explain it, but he deserved it. What had he done?

"Stupid…"

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_I held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have all of me_

"My Immortal," **Evanescence**

Soul Society held most of its beauty at night. Even the worst districts looked less threatening under the soft glow of the moonlight and glittering stars above. It was the perfect night to sit with your lover or with friends and enjoy the spectacular view. Many took advantage of the night but there were a few exceptions, some wanted to be alone, others had neither lover nor friends, and some just didn't appreciate the natural beauty. Matsumoto was fitted into one of those categories at the moment, thus the reason why she was sitting in a bar alone.

It was a nicely sized place, tucked away at the end of the market place with flashing neon lights that read "Shinji's." Being located in Seireitei, it was nicer and safer than those outside the walls, but a bar was still bar. This bar was a personal favorite of Matsumoto as well as the eighth and eleventh divisions, whose shinigami mostly filled the bar that night with noise and fights.

Matsumoto was sitting at the bar counter with her eyes downcast, a sake cup was held in one hand while the other hand slowly drew circles on the polished oak counter. She was sitting away from the others having insisted that she wanted to be alone and would join them another time. They respected her decision and left her alone. There were dozens of sake bottles spread out across the counter, all attributable to the blonde. Anyone could tell just by looking at her that she was miserable.

How could Hitsugaya do that do her? Especially after everything they had been through. She had known she held affections for her taicho but never knew to what extent. That kiss had awakened stronger feelings within her and had made her realize just how deeply they ran. She was in love with him. She wouldn't have kissed him back if she wasn't. For one brief moment she had believed he felt the same, she had been truly happy, happier than she had been for a long time since Gin. Then he had ripped it away so coldly with those words. She never knew her taicho could be so cruel.

Matsumoto's hand gripped the sake cup tighter, causing her knuckles to turn white, and narrowed her eyes in disgust. She wasn't Hinamori and as much as she cared for the girl, Matsumoto never wanted to be as weak as that girl had been. She would never betray Hitsugaya for anyone. _She_ didn't want to be Momo…but is that what _Hitsugaya_ wanted her to be? That shook her core and hurt her so profoundly. Was he imagining Hinamori's face while kissing her? She hated to believe it. She wanted to forget, if only for a moment. Drowning herself in alcohol seemed like the best option right now.

"Rangiku?"

Matsumoto barely glanced out the corner of her eye to acknowledge her name being spoken. She leaned forward allowing her hair to curtain her face. She knew the voice every well and honestly didn't want him to see her that way. He, apparently, had other plans as she heard the scrapping of the bar stool being pulled out and the rustling of a body settling down on its seat Hands came and gently pried the sake cup from her fingers. She could almost hear him frown and knew his next question before he asked it.

"Rangiku, what happened?"

The anger was evident in his voice but she knew it wasn't directed towards her. _At least someone cared,_ she couldn't help but think bitterly. She didn't respond, silently wishing that if she ignored him he would go away and allow her to wallow in her self-pity. With sound of the barstool scrapping once more, she hoped he had decided to leave. That wasn't the case as she felt a strong hand wrap around her upper arm and pull her to her feet. She stumbled but was held upright from falling by the firm grip. Sighing deeply and surrendering to the fact he wasn't going to leave her alone, she finally brushed back her hair and looked up towards her company.

Renji was looking down at her with obvious concern; his mouth was set in a frown even when she forced a smile.

"It's nothing, Renji. I'm just lonely I guess…"

It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the truth either. Regardless, Renji did not appear to believe her. He raised a brow skeptically, but didn't press the issue. Rather, he shrugged then turned and began pulling her along through the bar. Matsumoto struggled to keep up and to stay on her feet. The world seemed to be tilting before her very eyes. She must have drunk more than she thought.

"Renji, where are we going?"

"I'm taking you home," he replied without looking back.

"But I wasn't finished drinking!"

"I think you've had enough, you're trashed."

"Renji…" she growled in response.

They argued about her returning to the bar half way back to the 10th division until she stumbled and fell for the third time. Renji grunted in annoyance and picked her up bridal style despite her protests. That started another argument about her walking capabilities that continued the other half of the way back to the 10th division. By the time they reached her room, Matsumoto had taken to silently sulking and glaring daggers at the 6th division fukutaicho. Renji gladly returned the look with interest, resulting in a glaring contest. It didn't last long as it was broken by Matsumoto's snort of laughter that escalated into giggles. Renji grinned, seemingly pleased to see her happy once more, and gently set her down to her feet. Matsumoto's laughter died out a moment later but a smile remained on her face. She looked up at Renji gratefully and her smile softened.

"Thank you, Renji."

Renji nodded, briefly glancing around them to make sure they hadn't awoken anyone. It wouldn't be good for Matsumoto's reputation for anyone to see him with her this late by her room. He wasn't sure where the rumors that Matsumoto got around came from, but he was positive that they were just that, rumors. Matsumoto wasn't that type of person; she defended herself whenever anyone tried to hit on her. He concluded that it was all just the result of jealous women.

"You seem to be okay, so I'm going to go."

Giving her a slight nod, Renji turned with the intention of returning to the bar. He was cut short, however, by a soft tugging on his sleeve. Curious, he looked back at Matsumoto who appeared to be almost fearful. He would never understand women, one minute they were happy and then the next something was wrong. He waited for Matsumoto to say something, resisting the urge to balk that she looked almost shy. Matsumoto never wanted to look anything but strong and confidant. It was silent between them and as the seconds ticked by so did Renji's patience.

"What is it, Rangiku?"

"Can you stay with me?"

Renji's face turned as red as his hair at the request. He shoved any perverted thought from his mind as he took note that her tone had not been suggestive.

"Stay until I fall asleep. I don't what to be alone…."

"But-"There were so many things wrong with that request, "No way!"

Then there was that look again. The look her face previously held when she was at the bar. Renji had never seen Matsumoto this vulnerable. It made him uncomfortable and protective at the same time. At least she wasn't crying. Then again, you didn't need tears to be sad. Sighing in defeat, he nodded in agreement and felt a little better when Matsumoto smiled a bit. The feeling didn't last long when she promptly knelt over and threw up all over the floor. She must have drunken a lot, Matsumoto never threw up. Even as he shuddered in disgust that some of it had gotten on his shoes, he wondered what had happened to get her so distraught.

The night passed by quickly. It might have helped that Renji had fallen asleep sometime during the night while watching over Matsumoto. His back screamed in protest to his position and he decided sleeping propped up against a wall was not the best thing for the body. His eyes looked over to Matsumoto's still-sleeping form. She was going to have one hell of a hangover when she woke up. Resting his hand against the wall as he got to his feet, he released the wall to stretch and yawned. He might as well go over to the 4th division for a hang-over tonic before she awoke and all hell broke loose. Tip-toeing over to the door, his hand grasped the handle and pulled it open only to be faced with wide turquoise eyes and spiky white hair.

"Oh shit…" Renji mentally cursed his luck.

"Hitsugaya-taicho, this…isn't what it looks like," he quickly attempted to explain but the shorter man had already turned on his heel and was briskly making his way back down the hall.

Renji smacked his forehead. He hoped no one heard about this. They would put the red-head through hell. What was the 10th division taicho doing at Matsumoto's door anyway this early in the morning? It wasn't time for her to go to work as far as he knew. Well, it wasn't his business anyhow. A shiver suddenly ran down Renji's spine and he wrapped his arms around him. Did it suddenly get cold or was it just him? Shrugging it off to his own paranoia, Renji proceeded with his original task of going to the 4th division to retrieve Matsumoto a hang-over tonic.

Later that day Matsumoto found she was extremely grateful to have a friend like Renji, even if he did complain about her actions of the previous night. After she had bid him a good-bye she decided she could show up for work. Even though she was still hurting, she was still fukutaicho of the 10th division and was required to work with her taicho. She would just have to pretend that everything was alright, something she had learned to do very well over the years. Gathering her inner strength, Matsumoto exited her door and advanced towards the office. The closer she came to the office, the colder it got. When she arrived in front of the office door there was even a bit of frost on the handle…how odd. Reluctantly she opened the door. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. The couch was still there as were the bookshelves and the desk. Her taicho was sitting at his desk doing paperwork as he always did, so why did she sense something dire was going to happen?

"Hitsugaya-taicho," she greeted formally, just because she was going to act like nothing was wrong didn't mean she still wasn't angry with him.

"You're actually here Matsumoto-fukutaicho? I thought you would be busy with other matters," Hitsugaya responded, frost covering his tone.

"And what is that supposed to mean, Hitsugaya-taicho?"

She was a bit startled when Hitsugaya stood abruptly from his chair and slammed his hands on his desk. He held a dark expression on his face and was glowering at her.

"I mean, Matsumoto-fukutaicho, that I thought you'd be busy with Abarai-fukutaicho seeing how he was exiting your room early this morning," he spat out Renji's last name as though it was a curse.

Matsumoto was taken aback for a moment. What right did he have to judge her? He was the one who wanted a dead woman instead of her and played with her emotions. Matsumoto's fist clenched at her side and she gave him a defiant stare.

"Why do you care, Hitsugaya-taicho? Last time I recall I was nothing to you!"

"You're right, you are nothing but my subordinate. I just didn't think you were the type of woman who would give herself so willingly to the next person who opened their arms."

"What are you talking about? Nothing happened!"

Hitsugaya made a noise of disbelief and fell back into his chair. He picked his ink brush back up and directed his gaze towards his momentarily forgotten paperwork.

"I don't care. Our relationship is strictly professional."

Matsumoto gaped at this infuriating man. Who was this stranger who had replaced her taicho? Hitsugaya had never been so cold to her. Anger bubbled up within her and she resisted the urge to throw something at his head. How could he say such things to her? Did he really think so little of her? How could she ever think she had been in love with this man?

"Fine by me," she hissed carrying herself over to the couch and getting started on the paperwork that sat waiting on the coffee table.

Neither noticed the other sneaking glances at each other.

After that incident they fell into a standard taicho and fukutaicho routine. Hitsugaya would arrive early as usual, Matsumoto would trail into the office about an hour or two later. They would sit in tense silence that could be felt throughout the division. It was taking a toll on the 10th division members. They tip-toed around as though afraid of invoking the wrath of their clearly upset taicho or fukutaicho. Both leaders were aware of the effect their fight was having on their division but each was too stubborn to apologize, even for the sake of peace in the division. Neither believed they were wrong. Perhaps the only positive thing that had occurred was that Matsumoto was doing paperwork. However, if you asked anyone in the division they'd rather have their bubbly fukutaicho back then to have all the paperwork done, Hitsugaya included.

The office was cold and it was not of his doing. He only now realized that Matsumoto was reason behind that warmth. It had been weeks since their fight and each day only seemed to become more unbearable. He got the fukutaicho he always wanted, but at what price? Discreetly he stole a glance at Matsumoto. Her back was turned to him only allowing him a view of the back of her head. Her head was bent slightly, more than likely to get a better look at her work. Hitsugaya couldn't see her face but he knew her well enough to know what expression she held. She would be lightly biting her bottom lip and a small frown would crease her brows in concentration. Occasionally she would brush her hair out of her face and tuck it behind her ear.

Honestly, he was tired. Matsumoto had been his best friend but with the emotional distance between them he felt alone. For perhaps the fourth time that week, Hitsugaya admonished himself for losing control. Now he had ruined everything. It could have been for the best, now he wouldn't have to deal with these confusing feelings. Then again, just because he and Matsumoto were on a more formal level now didn't mean she wasn't on his mind.

Perhaps he shouldn't have said those things to Matsumoto, admittedly they were a bit cruel but he had been so angry he didn't realize what he was saying. Maybe it hadn't been what it looked like but Hitsugaya was naive. He had gone to apologize to Matsumoto for his previous actions when he saw Renji leaving her room. It startled him how badly he wanted to release Hyourinmaru on the 6th division fukutaicho. Was he jealous? That notion was impossible; it was he that pushed Matsumoto away after all. He pushed her away for Hinamori's sake, but if he loved Hinamori so much why couldn't he get Matsumoto's face and that kiss out of his mind? Why was he sick to his stomach because they were like this? So many questions ran through his head with no answers in sight. Little did he know the answers were right in front of him, he was just too blind to see them.

What he did know what that he was tired of his silent battle between himself and Matsumoto. Forcing himself to swallow his mind and shove away his stubbornness, he set his pen down with a soft click and cleared his throat. Matsumoto turned slightly in her seat to indicate that she had heard him and was listening, but he still couldn't see her face.

"Matsumoto, I'm-"

"Hey Rangiku, are you ready to go?"

Hitsugaya visibly tensed when his office door was slammed opened and the voice of Abarai Renji interrupted him. If he had the power to do so, Renji would have been frozen solid under Hitsugaya's icy glace. Matsumoto jumped to her feet in an instant and bounded over to the red head with a large grin. Renji responded by smirking down at her and turned to leave. Matsumoto made motion to follow but paused at the doorway. Resting her hand on the frame of the door, she looked over her shoulder at her disgruntled taicho.

"Was there something you wanted, Hitsugaya-taicho?"

"No, you're dismissed," Hitsugaya snapped sourly.

Matsumoto stared at him for a moment before nodding and exiting the office, running after Renji.

The idea of making peace with Matsumoto flew out the door for Hitsugaya.

Night had fallen when Hitsugaya had completed his paperwork. It was still relatively early. Before, it had been unusual for him to be finished that early, usually he had to stay late to complete Matsumoto's share. Now that Matsumoto finished her own paperwork, it left him with a lot of free time. Frankly he didn't know what to do with himself. So, often times he found himself reading or sitting on the rooftop of the 10th division thinking. Tonight he was doing the latter. He was too irritated to concentrate on reading. He thought maybe the night air would clear his mind but it seemed to be having the opposite effect. With nothing to focus on he was at the full mercy of his thoughts.

Matsumoto appeared to be around Renji often, more so since the morning Hitsugaya caught the other man coming out of Matsumoto's room. It didn't help Hitsugaya's sour mood that Renji had also begun picking up Matsumoto from the office each day. He had the right to tell Yamamoto to keep his Renji out of the 10th division but that would make him seem childish and they would question his motives behind such a request. He hated feeling like this. It was all Matsumoto's fault for being so…Matsumoto. If it wasn't for her he wouldn't be having this emotional dilemma. Even as he thought that though he knew he was extremely grateful that Matsumoto was in his life.

Hitsugaya covered his face and groaned into his hands. Alright, he could admit it to himself, he had feelings for Matsumoto. It was just so hard to come to terms with it when Hinamori was still lingering in his mind. He knew she would never disappear from his heart or his mind. He felt as though he was betraying Hinamori's memory every time he thought about Matsumoto. The temperature around him dropped a degree as though reacting to his inner turmoil.

"There you are, Toshirou-kun!"

Hitsugaya's shoulders bunched to his ears. Couldn't he have a moment to himself without someone's intrusion? He really wasn't in the mood to deal with the 13th division taicho at the moment. The man was very kind, but could also be very annoying. Hitsugaya would never be rude though as Ukitake was one of the few taichos with whom he got along.

"Ukitake-taicho," he acknowledged the man.

Ukitake was struggling to climb the ladder with what appeared to be a large basket filled with a variety of candy and a yellow stuffed rabbit. Hitsugaya resisted the urge to push Ukitake back down the ladder when he saw the item. He was polite though and he stood to go assist the 13th division taicho. After grasping the basket in his hands and freeing up Ukitake's own, the sickly man was able to finish the climb more smoothly.

"It's a little out of date, but I hope you enjoy it," Ukitake said once he was standing beside his fellow taicho.

Hitsugaya nodded mutely, returning to his previous position on the roof with the basket next to him. He thought that Ukitake would take his leave after that but apparently he was wrong as he felt the older man taking a seat next to him. Hitsugaya turned his head towards him with a raised brow only to be surprised at the knowing smile on Ukitake's face.

"Is there something wrong, Toshirou-kun?"

"No!" Hitsugaya replied quickly.

Ukitake gave him a skeptical look that made him instantly defensive. Was he that readable now? He glared at noting in particular, frustrated. He was losing control.

"You know, it is always good to have someone hear you out…" Ukitake gently suggested.

Hitsugaya chose not to respond. He didn't know how to. Ukitake continued to stay by his side patiently with that soft smile on his lips. Hitsugaya allowed a light sigh to escape him. He supposed it wouldn't hurt to get someone's advice about the entire thing and Ukitake was one of the few people he trusted not to go speak of his private matters to all of Soul Society.

"It started…" he began and proceeded to tell Ukitake of everything that had occurred.

Ukitake listened quietly, occasionally nodding. When Hitsugaya finished with a huff, Ukitake looked surprised but swiftly recovered and chuckled good-naturedly.

"Have you told Matsumoto any of this? Judging by how you two understand and care for one another, she should be able to comprehend what you are feeling better than anyone. You simply sound confused and unable to grasp the answer you seek, even though it is most likely right in front of you."

"Jyuushirou-san, are you up there?" A voice called from the ground that sounded very much like the 4th division taicho, Unohana Retsu.

"I'll be there in a moment, Retsu," Ukitake called back confirming Hitsugaya's suspicions, he then turned back to the younger man, "talk to her. You'd be amazed at what talking can accomplish."

The 13th division taicho spoke as though he was drawing from experience. With that the older man stood with a light grunt and took his leave. Hitsugaya was once more left in solitude. He was still at the mercy of his thoughts, but now he had advice to mull over. His mind quickly began to pick out the pros and cons as well as possible outcomes before deciding on his next actions. He wouldn't avoid it anymore. Coming to a conclusion, Hitsugaya climbed to his feet and shunpo'd off the roof in search of the person who was the object of his inner conflict.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **OMgosh, yes, I have updated. It took a while, but hopefully its a decent chapter. Next chapter won't take as long...hopefully. Enjoy.

_

* * *

_

_Oh I had a lot to say_

_Was thinking on my time away  
I missed you and things weren't the same  
Cause everything inside _

_It never comes out right  
and when I see you cry _

_It makes me want to die_

"I'm Sorry." Buckcherry

Matsumoto was surprisingly easy to find. Well, perhaps he shouldn't have expected it to be difficult. Matsumoto was a creature of habit, thus she was where she could commonly be found in the bar called Shinji's. Now, he was problem. For some reason, he couldn't directly confront her at that moment. Usually he had no problem storming into the bar and dragging a drunken Matsumoto out kicking and screaming. Things were different now, however. He felt he no longer had that right after the things he had done to her. With all in that mind, he grew increasingly uncomfortable. He wasn't ready. His palms were sweating and his mouth felt extremely dry. He wanted to laugh at his pathetic nerves. He could battle an espada but not talk to his fukutaicho.

For a long time he stood outside the bar, occasionally pacing back and forth in front of the entrance. At times he gained his resolve and made movement to enter the establishment, only to lose it just as quickly and back away. He cursed his own cowardice. Finally, he sighed miserably in defeat. He couldn't do it. He would just talk to her tomorrow in the office. Perhaps it was for the better anyhow.

Fate, however, seemed to have other plans for as soon as he took a step to shunpo back to his quarters, a busty blonde came stumbling out the door laughing loudly in a way Hitsugaya hadn't heard in a long while. His actions were instantly halted. She seemed to fail to notice him at first, glancing around as though looking for something…or someone. There was a spike of jealously that welled inside him at the thought. When her eyes did rest on his form, the traces of smile instantly vanished from her lips. Hitsugaya couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed. She visibly tensed and stood more erect.

"Hitsugaya-taicho, is there a problem with the division?"

"No," he quickly assured her.

"Oh, so what is it?" she inquired, brows drawing into a light frown.

He didn't immediately reply, so they fell into silence. Hitsugaya resisted the urge to shift around in his nervousness. He came as though ready for battle after his talk with Ukitake, but now that Matsumoto was standing before him all words flew from his mind. Some genius he was. Matsumoto looked as though she was becoming impatient with him. He almost could have laughed at the irony of it. All those times he lost his own patience with her.

"Spar," the words were rushed out of his mouth and even he was surprised.

Matsumoto apparently shared the feeling as she was looking at his with a perplexed expression.

"Spar? You want to spar?

Hitsugaya was able to gracefully recover his composure with a new idea that formed within his mind.

"Yes."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Matsumoto-fukutaicho, your taicho is commanding you to have a sparring match with him. Should you choose to refuse there could be dire consequences for disobeying an order."

Matsumoto gaped at him and he could practically see her thoughts above her head. How dare he pull rank out on her? It was the only thing that came to mind, however, and at the moment he was desperate enough to try anything. Taking a step back from her, he put on his sternest expression to project just how serious he was.

"I'll see you there."

When he was certain he had gotten his point across, he shunpoed away to their usual training spot leaving Matsumoto looking quite irked and glaring daggers at where he was standing before.

While waiting for his fukutaicho, he began to remove his taicho's haori. Folding it into a neat square, he gently placed it on a large flat rock. Perhaps if he were to get his adrenaline pumping he would have more courage. Confessions were difficult. Fighting was like an extension of him. He felt her before he saw her. That always seemed to be the case with Matsumoto. She caused the hairs on the back of his neck to stand up in anticipation. Turning around, his eyes fell upon Matsumoto sashaying towards him with a less than pleased look. He hated that that look was for him. He wasn't used to all of these negative expressions Matsumoto was bestowing upon him now.

"Let's hurry, Hitsugaya-taicho. I have a date," she quipped.

Like the cat of her zanpakuto, Matsumoto was one to hold a grudge. Briefly he felt a flash of jealously and wondered who she had a date with. However, he quickly calmed himself. It wouldn't do him any good if he allowed his temper to get out of hand.

"This won't take long," he responded, unsheathing Hyourinmaru.

Matsumoto pulled out Haineko and raised it prepared for battle. Her eyes glittered in anticipation and Hitsugaya couldn't help but think she was beautiful readying herself for battle. His own eyes flashed and without another word, he lunged towards her. Their swords collided with a clang, singing in the air. Matsumoto twisted out of the lock, crouching low to sweep her sword towards his feet. Hitsugaya jumped on her sword's blade before flipping back a few feet away. A smirk graced both their features as they took in their worthy opponents. Hitsugaya shunpoed behind Matsumoto bringing his sword down towards her back only to have it blocked as Matsumoto placed her sword behind her to counter his attack. She turned in a graceful manner facing him, pushing him off her sword and swiping at his midsection. They continued like this. Sweat collecting at the tops of their foreheads and breathe coming out in quick pants revealing their hard efforts.

Hitsugaya realized he was wrong before. Matsumoto looked much more beautiful in the throes of battle. Her hair was wild and curled around her face while her cheeks were flushed. How could he have never noticed before? Sure, he knew Matsumoto was attractive but she was much more than that. She was breathtakingly beautiful. So much so that he was caught off guard. Distracted by her, he failed to see her sword thrust towards him until the last moment. He barely managed to pull his sword up to block her blow but couldn't stop himself from falling to the ground by the force.

Their arms shook in the stress of their collided weapons. He was barely able to withstand the pressure of Matsumoto's sword using one hand whilst she used two. The steel of her eyes struck the glacier of his. Suddenly he inhaled sharply. Pushing more strength into his sword, he swiped Matsumoto's zanpakuto away from his face and out of her hands, releasing his own sword as well. They both fell to the ground beside the couple but it went unnoticed as Hitsugaya's arms wrapped around Matsumoto's waist causing her to fall from her kneeling position on to his body. His heart was ramming wildly in his chest and it wasn't from the sparring. Matsumoto's breath hitched, the fear in her eyes was evident.

"Rangiku…" he murmured her name tenderly, "I'm sorry."

Their faces were only inches away from each other now. Hitsugaya had never felt as powerful as he did right now with this woman in his arms. He noted with extreme satisfaction that her cheeks were brushed with a pale shade of pink. It was nice seeing it on her face for once and not the other way around. Her quick breaths were warm on his lips and his male pride swell that he could make a woman such as Matsumoto react to him in such a way. Feeling more confident than before, he took a leap and leaned up further closing the gap between their faces.

Gently he brushed his lips against hers. His lids fluttered close over his eyes as he pressed more firmly savoring every precious moment her soft lips provided. Matsumoto's hands came up to rest on each side of his face and she pushed herself further into him. The electricity between them was enough to cause a lighting storm. He wrapped his arm around her waist tighter as though he was afraid to let go, the other hand traveling up to tangle its fingers into the cascading river that was her hair. He had little experience with kissing, this time being only his third, but he was confident enough he was able to convey forth all emotion he was feeling. At least he was hoping he was able to and Matsumoto could feel it. He broke off their connection to trail hot kisses down her face to her throat where he gently suckled eliciting a moan from Matsumoto's lips. She ground her pelvis into his own making the effect she had on his body all the more evident.

"Toshirou…Toshi-"she was cut off by another moan.

Hitsugaya released his attention from her neck, briefly noting the red mark he had left, before moving back up to her lips and taking them once more.

Then the beloved moments were snatched away from him along with the warm body that was on top of him. Instantly his lids slid open once more to find the source that had stolen the pleasure from him. Matsumoto was on her feet with Haineko in her hand. He could see her knuckles begin to turn white from the pressure of which she held her zanpakuto. Her other hand was to her lips, obstructing them from view. She looked almost afraid of him and for the life of him he couldn't understand why. It alarmed him greatly. Quickly, he too took to his feet. The sensual air that had previously covered them now left them alone to the cold of reality resulting in an awkward situation.

Hitsugaya ran a hand through hair, his mind still jumbled from the moment that had occurred mere seconds ago. His mind may have not known what to say, but his tongue began to produce the words with relative ease.

"Rangiku, I want tell you that I-"

"No."

"What? You don't even know-"

"Toshi- Hitsugaya-taicho. I know what you're going to say but I-I'm with Renji now and he doesn't deserve to be hurt. You had your chance."

When Hitsugaya heard of a heart being broken, he thought the idea of ridiculous. How could a heart break? One would cease living and the heart wasn't capable of just breaking into a million pieces. Now he understood that it was possible. He could hear his own heart shattering in his ears like ice smashing against a hard surface. There was an overwhelming sharp pain in his chest and he could swear his lungs weren't working properly. Matsumoto was looking at him regretfully, unaware that so much more was going on behind his slightly shocked expression. How could she look so distressed when it was she who had brought this upon them? He refused to believe that she no longer held any feeling towards him. Renji or not, he knew that he was not the only one feeling whatever had happened between them. Hitsugaya took a step towards her.

"Ran-"

A hell butterfly interrupted his words. It fluttered innocently above them having no knowledge of what it had just interrupted. Its wings carried it over towards the distraught 10th division taicho who, in response, automatically lifted his hand for the butterfly to land on.

"Attention Hitsugaya-taicho. There is an urgent taicho meeting that requires you presence. Repeat. Attention Hitsugaya-taicho. There is an urgent taicho meeting that requires your presence."

The voice trailed off and the hell butterfly removed itself from Hitsugaya's hand leaving taicho and fukutaicho alone once again. Hitsugaya said nothing after receiving the message. In a quick array of moves, he managed to replace his white taicho haori back onto his form as well as Hyourinmaru on his back. Matsumoto stood waiting, seemingly unable to decide whether she should take her leave or not. They stood in discomforted silence for a moment. Finally he cleared his throat in a professional manner before he addressed her.

"You're dismissed, Matsumoto-fukutaicho."

He didn't immediately shunpo away, appearing to be waiting for her to say something, anything, to disillusion the words that he had heard earlier. The words he was hoping for never came and, unable to draw time out anymore, he shunpoed to the taicho's meeting leaving a trembling Matsumoto alone holding herself,

As the rest of soul society went about the day like ordinary, there were a chosen few whose usual daily activities had been put on hold. Behind large wooden doors into a sizeable room there stood two rows of men and women headed by an older man sitting in a great chair. These were some of the most powerful shinigami in all of soul society. A stiff Hitsugaya stood between the new 9th division taicho, Hisagi Shuuhei, and the 11th division taicho, Zaraki Kenpachi. There had been little change in the group of taichos after the war with Aizen. The most significant changes were the replacements taichos of the 3rd, 5th, and 9th division. Hisagi, despite not having yet accomplished bankai, qualified for taicho of the 9th division when he killed Tousen with the help of Komamura. The 3rd and 5th division taicho seats were offered to Yoruichi and Urahara respectively but both turned it down. Standing between Unohana and Soifon was Madarame Ikkaku, the 3rd division taicho. After it was discovered that Ikkaku had accomplished bankai, he was quickly promoted despite his protests. He was goaded into accepting it by Zaraki. Now the 3rd and 11th division was frequently in competition. Beside Byakuya stood Abarai Renji, no longer Byakuya's fukutaicho but on equal footing with his former taicho as the 5th division taicho.

Hitsugaya redirected his gaze from Renji to Yamamoto in attempt to curb the anger rising in his chest towards the red head. Matsumoto's words still rung in his ears so loudly that he had to force himself to listen as Yamamoto spoke.

"Our 12th division resources have informed me that suspicious activity has been going on in an area in Japan. Upon further investigation, it seems that we've missed an espada during our war with Aizen. It is not one he created, but could pose as a possible threat all the same. As skillful as you all are, I feel I should be able to send one of you to take care of it before it becomes a problem. Are there any volunteers for this mission?"

A few, Ikkaku, Zaraki, Renji, and himself, stepped forward with intention of taking the mission. They did not expect the shorter man with snow hair to step forward as well. Hitsugaya was eager to have something to do to rid his mind of his current predicament with his fukutaicho. A battle could be the release he needed. Clearing his throat, he bowed slightly in respect towards the 1st division taicho and leader of the Gotei 13.

"With all due respect sir, I have dealt with the espada the most and believe I' am most capable accomplishing this mission quickly and effectively."

Zaraki and Ikkaku instantly opened their mouths to protest Hitsugaya's bold statement. They were silenced by Yamamoto's open-eyed gaze but were not above glowering at the 10th division taicho. Hitsugaya didn't falter under the intense looks he was receiving, but was relieved when Yamamoto closed his eyes once more. The 1st division taicho cleared his throat and lightly tapped his cane.

"Very well, have a seated member of the fourth division accompany you. You are all dismissed."

Hitsugaya nodded in understanding. While he wanted to deal with his issues with Matsumoto, he had his duties as a taicho that needed to be attended too and those came first. The meeting ended and they were dismissed. Hitsugaya briskly exited the meeting room ignoring the dark looks Zaraki and Ikkaku were sending him. He intended to return to his office for a moment when a voice caused him to pause in his steps.

"Hitsugaya-taicho, can I speak with you?"

Hitsugaya subconsciously tensed. Stiffly, he slightly turned to take in the form of Renji. He couldn't help the light crease in his brow. What did Matsumoto see in him? It was a silly question really. Renji was tall, and he had heard on more than one occasion some of his subordinates exclaiming how handsome and cool Renji was. Admittedly, Renji was also a kind person. Someone Hitsugaya knew would never intentionally hurt Matsumoto. Perhaps that was the reason why he was so angry at Renji. It was like he was everything Hitsugaya wasn't. With those thoughts in mind, his mood further declined and he involuntarily caused a drop in temperature.

"What is it?"

Renji looked immensely uncomfortable under the cool glare of teal eyes. He laughed nervously and raised his hand to scratch the back of his head.

"There's not a problem with me involved with Rangiku, is there?"

The taller man must have had a death wish. Granted, he didn't know that he was having the negative effect on the 10th division taicho but still he should have been able to sense it, right? It seemed that Renji didn't connect Hitsugaya's foul mood with because he too wanted to be with Matsumoto, but rather he believed it was work related. There was no other explanation why he was standing before him asking permission to be with his fukutaicho. Hitsugaya bit the inside of his cheek in an attempt to curb his anger. Through gritted teeth he responded.

"Just don't distract her from her work…"

He didn't give Renji a chance to reply before he briskly turned and shunpoed away from the area. He didn't know what he would do if he stood there a moment longer looking at Renji and imagining him with Matsumoto. The thought made him queasy to his stomach, something he had never before had to deal with. He arrived to his office quickly and was much relieved when it was empty, not that he should have expected Matsumoto to be there anyhow.

He summoned a hell butterfly and sent a quick note to the fourth division before he carried himself over to his large desk and sat heavily into his chair. His slumped form was nothing like stiff position he usually held when he sat at his desk. His hand rose and he ran his fingers through his hair with a low sigh. He didn't know who he was anymore. The confused, anxious, and aggravated person was someone who he did not recognize. Even when he held feelings for Hinamori, he had never acted in such a manner. Now he was completely miserable and he couldn't help but be a little angry as the thought that it was Matsumoto's fault that he was like this. That wasn't fair though, it was his own fault after all for being such a fool.

"Hitsugaya-taicho."

The voice resounded throughout the room but he barely glanced up at the source. A hell butterfly fluttered above his head lazily with a response from the fourth division. Unohana's voice cast temporary warmth over the room as she spoke.

"I understand your request. I will send my 4th seat, Yamada Hanataro, with you. Please be kind to him and take care."

As soon as the voice faded away, a soft knock sounded from his door. Straightening his form, Hitsugaya cleared his throat before calling out to person on the other side of the door.

"Enter."

Slowly, the door slid open revealing Hanatarou. His body bent over low in respect but one could feel the nervousness radiating off his body. His medical pack was beginning to slide over his head at the position he was in but he refused to look up yet.

"H-Hanatarou Yamada h-here to assistant you Hitsugaya-t-taicho…"

"You can stand erect Hanatarou-san."

Hanatarou rose slightly, but still kept an awkward posture that made Hitsugaya wonder if it was healthy. He was no medical expert, so he chose not to address it. His sharp eyes raked over Hanataro, making the other visibly uncomfortable. Hitsugaya had to admit he was a bit skeptical but if Hanataro was 4th under Unohana than he had to have a great level of skill. Finally he diverted his gaze, earning a soft sigh of relief from the 4th division member.

"Has Unohana informed you of the mission we have ahead of us, Hanataro-san?"

"Yes, Hitsugaya-t-taicho."

"Good. We leave immediately then."

The great tree's leaves swayed back and forth as the wind ran through its branches like hand through hair. The tree was upon a large hill high enough to oversee much of the Seireitei. This is where a familiar buxom blonde sat. Her legs pulled to her chest and her chin resting on her arms, Matsumoto's eyes appeared to be taking in the scenery but was in fact focused on nothing. Submerged in deep thought, her mind kept replaying the events that occurred earlier that day. She hadn't meant for it to happen or for it to go as far as it did.

Along with the immense guilt that weighed heavily on her shoulders, there was also the lingering tingling of her lips that reminded her how good it felt to kiss her captain. That only increased her guilt. She hadn't been lying when she told Hitsugaya that she was with Renji. That too wasn't planned, their relationship gradually evolved from the friendship they had. It had just begun and here she was rolling around in the training grounds with her Captain…the captain she still had feelings for. Why did he have to do that? Why did it take him so long? Now it was too late. She couldn't hurt Renji and what would she look like jumping from guy to guy. It would actually put some truth in those rumors about her.

"Rangiku!"

Matsumoto was brought back to reality with the call of her name. She turned her head towards the voice to see Renji making his way up the hill waving at her with a grin. She couldn't help but smile in response and lifted her hand to wave back. Renji fell besides her, leaning against the tree with his legs spread out across the grass.

"Renji, what are you doing here?"

"I could ask the same of you! Took me a while to find you, but I just got out of a Captain's meeting."

"I was just…thinking," Matsumoto replied, diverting her eyes from the red-head.

Renji didn't seem to notice but pressed on.

"About?"

"This cute new outfit I was in the market today. It so rare that we get anything nice, all the variety is in the other world!"

The lie rolled off her tongue easily. She couldn't say what she was really thinking about. She didn't even know how to start. Renji rolled his eyes, not understanding a woman's fascination with clothing.

"I don't even understand how you can fit any of their clothes."

That probably wasn't the best thing to say, even if he didn't understand a woman's obsession with clothes.

"Are you saying I'm fat!?"

Renji leaned away from Matsumoto, fear evident on his face at her livid expression at his implication. He attempted to correct himself, raising his hands in front of him in defense.

"No! I just meant you're rather-"he made a motion on his chest as if shaping breast "- and the tops seem like they'd be small…"

Matsumoto opened her mouth to say something else but the words died on her lips as a hell butterfly fluttered towards her. She raised her hand, allowing it to land on her finger.

"Matsumoto-fukutaicho. From this day you are in charge of the 10th division until your captain, Hitsugaya-taicho, accomplishes the mission assigned to him. That is all."

Matsumoto's brows knitted together in a frown as the hell butterfly fluttered off to deliver another message. Once more she turned towards Renji.

"What mission?"

"He didn't tell you? He has to go exterminate an espada. That's what the Captain's meeting was about."

"What!? And he went alone?"

"Yeah, Yamamoto was sure he could handle it on his own."

"But why didn't he tell me? I could have gone along, what is something happens?"

"I'm sure he'll be fine, Rangiku," Renji interjected, beginning to appear a bit uncomfortable at Matsumoto's open display of concern for Hitsugaya. "He's not a kid."

Matsumoto paused, noticing the hint of jealousy in Renji's tone. Again guilt settled itself on her shoulders. Matsumoto swallowed her other words of concern. She laid her hand gently on Renji's leg and gave him a smile.

"You're right. I'm sorry Renji."

However, even as she said these words she couldn't help the worry from manifesting.

* * *


End file.
